Only God Can

Our Creator has in Him the power to change your spouse’s heart. It is pointless and dreary to spend precious time nagging, complaining, shouting or manipulating him/her. A lot of couples struggle in this area and find it very difficult to deal with when they are being hurt by their spouse’s actions or bad behaviour. We long for them to change, a change we pray for to happen for the better and we try to do everything in our power to change them so that we can stop hurting and going through the pain that we are going through! Sometimes this change happens but most often, the change wrought is not permanent and usually does not last. We try to bring about change in them through external “invisible” forces to help them be better people. But change cannot be wrought or forced externally.

The change of heart we seek in our loved ones cannot be prescribed by a psychological therapist or counsellor. Your spouse’s problems are mere symptoms of an injured, defective and damaged heart and sadly most of us spend so much time dealing with the symptoms, their bad behaviour and lack of expression of love to us, instead of dealing with the root of the problem once and for all!

We do not look at what has caused them to act or start doing the things they are doing. We do not take time to nurture our spouse’s heart for Jesus Christ as God gave us the responsibility to do throughout our time with them. Instead, we attack them because we are hurting and in pain so that they can stop what they are doing to us. Sometimes a spouse can get through to the erring partner in this way though often times this just makes the matter even worse than before! We escalate a problem in them instead of the good we wish for them. Their wandering from the path of rectitude, the path of truth, the path of principle and the path of righteousness gradually leads them slowly away from whom God intended them to be and become.

Their wandering heart leads them into doing the wrong things they end up doing and this is seen from their actions, bad choices and poor decisions. We can call them names, insult them, talk about how bad they really are by subconsciously making them look bad while allowing ourselves to look like the “angels”, but this does not resolve our current problem. Sometimes an erring spouse’s behaviour may be greater than just a mere change of friends or behaviour. In most cases, if not all, it requires the complete transformation and change of the human heart. And who best can change the heart than the one that created it? We need to bow down on our knees humbly before God and cry out to Him because only God can change our hearts! We need to talk to God. I do not mean hurling out our pain and anger or pain at Him. I mean communicating our heart’s anguish and pray for His will to be restored in His child, their spouse in this case. 

We need to have faith in God’s ability to change our partner’s stubborn heart as He has promised in Ezekiel 36:26 (RSV) “A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you, and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” In fact, God is more interested in the condition of our own heart in these difficult times than the condition of our partner’s heart. He would want His love, His power and His patience for His people reflected in our love for our spouses! 

A change in us has the power to bring about the change that God wills for in our partner’s lives. We need to trust Him and that He will work things out for our own good in His time. Have hope, keep the faith and never forget that only God can change your spouse’s heart permanently.